I like my award shows like I like my men: funny, charming and interesting. Unfortunately the telecast of the 80th Academy Awards was none of those things. I now feel like a woman in a bad relationship who every year goes back to the Oscar telecast thinking, "this time Oscar will be different," "Oscar’s changed," "Oscar has a new host, new films, a whole new crop of dead people to put into a montage." And every year it ends the same way, me cursing myself for being so foolish when I realize during hour number three that Oscar hasn’t changed at all, he’s just a wolf in Miley Cyrus’ clothing.

But like with any relationship, I can now look back at the time I time spent with the 80th Academy Awards telecast and can appreciate what went right and wrong with this tumultuous love affair. 

THE HIGH POINTS

1. Marion Cotillard
When French actress Marion Cotillard gave her acceptance speech for Best Actress for her performance in La Vie En Rose she exuded what only could be described as pure joy. So pure in fact that her enthusiasm reached through my television, tugged firmly at my cynical heartstrings and even stopped me from thinking "she’ll be dating Clooney in no time." Overcome with so much shock and emotion Marion could only find a few but eloquent and poignant words: "Thank you, life; thank you, love. And it is true there are some angels in this city." Yes, there are angels and little does she know she is one of them!

2. Marketa Irglova: Part Deux 
It was a sad moment when Marketa Irglova stepped up to the microphone to accept her award for Best Original Song for Once only to have the orchestra swell and the mic cut off (after her co-writer’s brief acceptance). So when Jon Stewart escorted her back on stage to finish her speech, it was a rare sweet and spontaneous Oscar moment. Sure it ended being a recycled version of the ol’ "follow your dreams and don’t give up," speech, but this was the "green" Oscars, so I thought it quite fitting and appropriate.

3. Javier Bardem
Best Supporting Actor winner Bardem will go down in history for giving one of the most touching and heartfelt thank you to his mother in his native tongue, Spanish. And he will also go down in history for having the worst hair ever seen on film (not counting the thing on John Travolta’s head on Sunday night’s telecast).

4. Jonah Hill and Seth Rogen
These two hilarious cut-ups injected a much needed energy in the middle of the show with their Halle Berry/Dame Judi Dench debate.  It was probably the only time viewers have ever stay tuned during the sound mixing and sound editing Oscars presentation. Their routine was like CPR to the no longer-breathing Oscar telecast, the 80th one in case you missed that despite it being said every seven seconds.

THE LOW POINTS

1. Clips and More Clips
If the Writers Strike was settled in order for the Oscar telecast to go on, then why did they have endless amounts of clips instead of doing live skits and Jon Stewart comedy bits?

The visits from countless ghosts of Academy Awards past killed the show; thankfully it was the shortest telecast in years so at least that helped, but not nearly enough.

2. Musical Numbers From Enchanted
Enchanted was a huge blockbuster movie. It was adorable and clever from start to finish. So it’s a shame then that the choreography and set design for the film’s Best Song presentation looked like something out of a high school theater production of Enchanted on a sidestage at the Minnesota state fair.

THE REALLY LOW POINTS

1. A Message from the Academy President Sid Ganis
Hey Academy honchos: if your video about the secrets of the Oscar voting process was supposed to be mind-numbingly boring, then guess what: mission accomplished! You’d think if anyone has connections to getting someone from the Bourne Identity to help amp up the suspense on this $3 video, it’d be the Academy. How about next time, you re-cast Ganis with say, George Clooney, then maybe I wouldn’t have picked up my remote and flipped over to see what was happening on that dynamic and captivating network, C-SPAN.

2. Clips about Bees in Movies
How could Jerry Seinfeld follow up his hilarious turn as a presenter last year with this painfully unfunny segment? Did he really have to remind us about his not-nominated-for-Best Animated Feature, Bee Movie? How could we miss it since we were inundated with the less-than-stellar marketing campaign for the four months leading up to its release? I hate to say it Jerry, but buzz off! (The "buzz off" joke was brought to you by Jerry Seinfeld’s Bee Movie, coming to DVD March 11.)

Maybe when Oscar turns 81, he’ll get it together and we could make it work. Maybe what we just need right now is some space... Oh wait, I just had a flashback of that Sid Ganis video. Forget it, we’re through.